Coffee Served by an Orc! Pastries cooked by a Rat/human something or other. Legends and Lattes.

 There's a subgenre of novels that are becoming more and more popular. It's called cozy fantasy. Legends and Lattes certainly fit this description. An orc, originally a paid killer, wants to open a coffee shop in a town that only knows tea. The help she gets, the friends she makes, and the accomplishment of her dreams makes this a fun, sweet book.

If you like fantasy, but get a little tired of sword fights, or laser battles, or characters who want to be king when they could be happy with a coffee shop, you'll like Legends and Lattes.

I'd like to thank myself for buying myself the kindle version of Legends and Lattes.

                                                The Human/Rat/Thingamajig pastry chef is adorable. 

Walking In a Winter Wonderland...with a psychopath. A Review of Dead of Winter

 These people fell for the oldest scam in the world. If mysterious tickets arrive for you, don't go. Do not go! DO NOT GO. Somebody wants you out of the house and your head on a stick.

Dead of Winter is a good mystery, lots of bloody horror, and lots and lots of snow. Read this on a summer day. It will make you feel icy cold. The antagonist went through an awful lot of trouble, expense, and toe-numbing cold and it seemed like he could do the same things in an easier, cheaper, warmer way, but hey, that would be a much shorter book. Lots of violence and snow. Red shows up so much better on otherwise pristine white.

Thank you to Poison Pen Press and Netgalley for allowing me to read, review, and get the chills from Dead of Winter.

How Are You? she demanded. Fine, she barked. A Review of The Water Tower

 The Water Tower has a fantastic premise, but I think it could have used a little more editing. The attributions to the speakers seemed excessive. Characters rarely said anything. They barked their dialogue or demanded an answer even if it was a common question. Demanding answers is kind of hostile. Sometimes a character

"smiled" their dialogue. How does one smile dialogue. Maybe it's just a pet peeve of mine, but when it comes to attributions, less is more. 
  
Like I said, the premise is a good one. The main character kept telling everyone about her discoveries, her friends, her new boyfriend, absolutely everyone knew about her sleuthing. Some things are better left unsaid, which she found out the hard way. So, the idea of the story was fine, but I wanted to tell the protagonist to be quiet. 

Thanks to Netgalley and Level Best Books for allowing me to read and review an eARC of The Water Tower.

The Uses of Spit. A Review of Wolfsong by T.J. Klune

 Ok, so I love TJ Klune's books. Usually, the novels have strangers coming together to make a loving family. Wolfsong is the same...but with werewolves! Except, they're not just werewolves, they're swearwolves. Oh my, there was an abundance of the f word. I can't afford an f word-o-meter so you'll just have to take my word for it. And lots of violence of the werewolf kind, but these werewolves eat vegetables. The violence is between the veggie-eating wolves and the rogue werewolves. Humans can join the werewolves! What fun! Except for getting mauled and mangled. That might hurt. What else? Some graphic gay sex. I learned new ways that spit can be used. After three or four pages of graphic sex, I wanted to yell, "Too much information!" I'm more of a squeaking bed springs kind of reader.

Wolfsong has many of the attributes that Mr. Klune's other books having. But, if you're looking for The House on the Cerulean Sea, this ain't it. It has a sweet story involving a young kid and a blended family but with sex, violence, and swearwolves...I mean werewolves. Well written and great as a horror story...with spit.

Thanks to Tor and Netgalley for allowing me to read and review Wolfsong.

An Apology

My apologies if you were looking for reviews of the last couple of books. I was accidentally posting them on my husband's long forgotten blog. I must delete that thing. I think he last posted about ten years ago.

 

Massive World Buildings...and togas! A Review of Will of the Many...with togas!

 

Please help us up the steps. These things are hell to walk in.

Well, I tell ya, this is one super long book. Perfect for readers who love fantasy world building. With gore. Lots of getting poked with obsidian knives. No, more like getting pinned to a wall with obsidian shards. People are bleeding all over the place and losing their eyeballs. Speaking of eyeballs, there was a lot of eyeball rolling, and smirking. Fantastical story, lots of amazing things happening, but the characters are all smirking and eyeball rolling like all of the other characters in YA books.

But, despite my personal weariness of smirking and eyeball rolling, I did like, and felt like I got to know the characters. Vis, the protagonist, goes through a hell of a lot for only being seventeen. Sometimes it seemed like a little much. He should have died about a dozen times or at the least, have brain damage. Like all good heroes, he keeps plugging along. 
 
Something was a little weird. They have sappers (tables that suck the will out of unfortunates) transports that fly through the sky for hundreds of miles, trackers that can show them where anybody is at, yet they're still writing with a stylus on wax tablets and lighting oil lamps. They can transport through the air, move walls with stone push buttons but they haven't discovered electricity! 

I sound like I'm complaining but I actually liked the book (except for the smirking and eyeball rolling.) Lots of action, lots of desperate situations, good friendships and a whole bunch of stabbings. And the world building is excellent.

Many thanks to Netgalley and Saga Press for allowing me to read and review The Will of the many. Oh, and it's set up for a sequel.

Not Happy Campers. A Review of Tell Me What Really Happened.

 

Tell Me What Really Happened is one of my favorite books of 2023. Five friends (some of whom only tolerate each other) go camping. Four of them end up in police interrogation. Each chapter begins with one question from a detective. The rest of the chapter is each teens' answers. Suspense! Creepy! Also a unique way to write a novel.

Murder...or is it? Friendship...or is it?

I kept reading this book long after midnight because I was asking myself, "What next? WHAT NEXT!" Full of surprises. A couple of the characters I kind of wished would be eaten by bears. They weren't. Maybe one of them was eaten by something big and hairy. Maybe not. A real "who done it." Or what done it.

Mystery. Action. Romance...or maybe not. Definitely death. But who, how, and why?

Thanks to Netgalley and Sourcebooks for allowing me to read, review, and be frightened by Tell Me What Really Happened.

Get past the despicable characters to find more despicable BILLIONAIRE characters. A review of You Can Trust Me

          

I've read several reviews where the reviews where the reviewers
 said they disliked the two main characters. There are whole bunches of people to dislike in You Can Trust Me. in fact, the rest of the characters are so despicable that the two young women protagonists come off looking like saints. Saints who steal credit cards, but hey, it's hard to be a saint. 

Although I initially cared little for Leo and Summer, pickpockets and con-women galore, the novel turns into a thriller and into a story of bravery and friendship. I know we all hate billionaires, unless you are a billionaire in which case, I like you just fine. But when this billionaire wants to take you out in his boat...don't go. Do Not Go!

That's all I'm going to say about that. After I got past the part of pickpocketing, and out to the island, You Can Trust Me became a real nailbiter. I only have nubs left. If at first you don't like Leo and Summer, kept reading. It's thrills and chills and beach sand between your toes. 

Thanks to Netgalley and Bantam Books for allowing me to read and review an eARC of You Can Trust Me.

Well, I messed up the placement of the photo. I don't know how I do these things.

One or more or several bright things. Not all of them are good. A review of The First Bright Thing

 Sometimes I read books where the characters have magical abilities, but they use their abilities to do trivial things like have glossy hair. (Okay, I know glossy hair is important, lord knows I've spent enough on argon oil, but it's less important than world peace.) But the characters in The First Bright Thing are working for world peace! Yay! Unfortunately, they bite off more than they can chew. If world peace were easy, we'd have it by now.

Usually I like detailed descriptions, and there are many lovely descriptions in The First Bright Thing. Occasionally the novel seemed long to me. There were many things I liked about it. The misfits because of their magical abilities came together to make a beautiful circus, but they also made a beautiful family who took care of each other. And although the nonmagical public wanted to exterminate those with the "spark," the sparks went out of their way to help troubled people. There are strong women and strong female friendships. Except for the abusive husband that the protagonist Rin is fleeing from, the female and male characters are equal to each other and good friends to one another.

Notice, too, that the first bright thing can stand for more than one thing or person. One bright thing in the story is dreadful and ghastly. while other bright things are helpful and awe-inspiring. Well, the bad bright thing is awe-inspiring but not in a good way. In the long run, the circus performers realize that bringing happiness to the world is their true magic.

A big thank you to Tor and Netgalley for allowing me to read and review The First Bright Thing.

Lots of horror and fantasy packed into one small town. A review of Cicadas Sing of Summer Graves.

 If Cicadas Sing of Summer Graves isn't one of the prettiest titles, then I don't know what is. Now on to the review.

I lived in Arkansas for seven years, right next to a large lake. After reading Cicadas Sing of Summer Graves I realize I got out of Arkansas in the nick of time! I was always suspicious of that lake.  Even though there were snakey things and alligators in it, I swam there anyway because, like the people in Prosper, Arkansas, there wasn't much else to do. 

Everything is weird in Cicadas Sing of Summer Graves but in a good way. Telescopes watch characters, even turning by themselves to keep watch. An elderly man runs into the water every night and weeps. Another older man (how old? perhaps millennia old) makes grotesque fireworks. Flowers grow wherever one young woman goes. They even grow in her hair while she sleeps. A dead desiccated catfish on a bar's wall spits pearls occasionally. And there's a mysterious box that won't open. But there's more!

All the characters in Prosper, Arkansas, both alive and dead, have something strange and magical about them.  I have to admit that sometimes the strangeness became more than my suspension of disbelief could handle, but all in all it was an enchanting, and sometimes horrifying, read. And there were more bees than cicadas, but Bees Sing of Summer Graves doesn't have the same ring to it.

Thank you to Netgalley and Sourcebooks for allowing me to read and review Cicadas Sing of Summer Graves. Now I'm going to catch a catfish down at the creek to see if it spits pearls.

                          Beautiful cover There's a raccoon that lives under my house. It loves to crunch up dead cicadas and eat them. Not that this has anything to do with the book.

We can't pretend history didn't happen. A review of Say Anarcha.

 I read a lot of fictional horror, but the real horrors in the world are the things people do to each other. After reading Say Anarcha, I'm almost speechless. Fortunately, author J.C. Hallman found the words because this is an important part of the history of racism, patriarchy, surgery, and women's rights. Thankfully, the afterword is hopeful, or I'd finish this book really depressed.

Dr. Sims did experimental surgery for fistula on enslaved women. He didn't make any attempt at anesthesia beyond telling the suffering women that they'd be punished if they cried or screamed. Anarcha had 30 or more experimental operations, with no painkillers. All the operations failed. Never-the-less, Dr. Sims wrote articles and gave speeches claiming success.   HIs ultimate goal wasn't curing as much as it was getting wealthy off of rich white women who also needed surgery for fistula. (Fistula is the tearing of the vagina during difficult pregnancies allowing feces and urine to escape through the birth canal.)

Anarcha and the other enslaved women learned to assist during the surgeries and proved to be better at providing aftercare than the doctors. What did they get for their heroism and hard work? Nothing but being sent back to plantations to be overworked and unpaid. Plus, Sims pretended he didn't know Anarcha because he didn't want the rich women to know his surgeries on her failed. How's that for gratitude to the woman he experimented on more than 30 times?

This book also includes a lot about the history of the times. Included are biographies of the various surgeons. Much of the thoughts and feelings of Anarch are conjecture because her history before and after her surgeries wasn't recorded. Though she was a fine doctor herself to the enslaved on the plantations, and to the white families in the big house, she was never taught to read or write. Anarcha delivered countless babies and had a deep knowledge of medicinal herbs from the forests.

As I mentioned, if it wasn't for the optimistic afterword about the care of fistula today, this is an emotionally difficult book to read. There is horrible abuse of the enslaved, very sexist treatment of all women, and the descriptions of experimental and cruel surgeries on women and animals.

It's an important story, though. I learned much about the history of slavery, medicine, and attitudes of the past. Thank you to Netgalley and Henry Holt publishers for allowing me to read and review Say Anarcha.

It's hard to make friends when you're possessed by an ill-tempered ghost. A review of We Don't Swim Here.

 With all the collateral damage, the punishments the ghost Sweetie hand out seem harsh. But vengeful ghosts aren't known for their gentleness. If only she'd possessed someone decades sooner, a lot of people could have avoided sizzling to death in a lake.

When Sweetie finally does possess a high school girl named Bronwyn, all hell breaks loose. Have you ever tried fitting in as the new kid in school while being inhabited by a ghost intent on murder? It's not the best way to make friends.

I do wonder, though, why the parents don't leave Bronwyn back at their big city home. The girl was about to make the freaking Olympic swim team. Instead, they bring her to a small town where "nobody swims here." That should be a really big clue that the Olympic trials won't be held there. All the town's pools are drained, the lake sizzles, and unfortunate rituals rule the small city. Of course, if her parents left Bronwyn with an accommodating friend, the novel would have been two pages long and the Sweetie ghost would never tell her story or rid the world of icky people.

Lots of eye rolling and smirking. I dusted off both the eyeball-roll-o-meter and my smirk-o-meter for this one. If you read my other reviews, you know that eyeball rolling and smirking drive me nuts because I want the authors to be more original than that. They come up with unique stories only to have all the teens doing all the same things. 

Thanks to Netgalley and Sourcebooks Fire for allowing me to read and review an eARC of We Don't Swim Here.

Sourcebooks, your source for...Watch Out! He Has a Gun! A review of Four Found Dead.

 If a producer doesn't nab Four Found Dead for a movie, Hollywood will be missing out. Nothing much scares me because I read a lot of horror, but the suspense in this thriller was killing me. I was nearly the fifth found dead.

The first murder happens early in the book. The book was written with so much suspense that I kept saying, "Who's next? Who is next!" I got a lot of weird looks because I was grocery shopping at the time.

Because the mystery was well written, I never knew who would be joining the choir invisible. It's gonna be this guy, No, it's gonna be this teenage girl. No, it's gonna be... You get the idea. There are notes at the end of several chapters. It's the same as the murders. "Who's writing these." I thought it was her, then him, then her, then him.

Lots of action, mystery, suspense, icky blood. Lots of t-shirts,j too. They soak up blood well.

Thanks to Sourcebooks for sending an ARC that made me shudder and shiver and for an honest review in return.

Where is this place? Where is this place! Cult or not, I want to go. A Review of The Merry Dredgers.

  

The Goblin amusement park is so awesome that if it never existed it ought to be created. The cult members who live there eat magic mushrooms and the park gets even more awesome. (Not that I'm condoning drug use. I would never do that. Pardon me a moment while I bite into this fungus.)

If you've read my other critiques, you'll know how I feel about characters rolling their eyes as an answer to everything. Really, my eyeball-roll-o-meter is burned out. But in this novel, there are two, count them TWO, eyeball trees.  And the eyeballs roll in random directions. If the characters in other novels had eyes that roll in random directions when their mothers say something dorky, that would be A-OK in my book.

Corrina (aka Seraphina) suspects that a cult has critically injured her sister. She infiltrates the cult known as the Dredgers. Except for the "strange" leader, the cult members are kind of fun. In fact, they're merry. (Not that I'm condoning cults. Most of them don't come across as merry.) Corrina and Nichelle have some clever banter between each other and develop a trusting friendship. All this and mechanical goblins. And rabbits with wings. And spooky rides.  And, and, and eyeball trees!  Where is this place?! I'm packing my bags right now.

Thanks to Netgalley and Meerkat books for allowing me to read and review The Merry Dredgers. Reading it was a lot of fun.

Not Happy Campers: A Review of Tell Me What Really Happened.

 

Tell Me What Really Happened is one of my favorite books of 2023. Five friends (some of whom only tolerate each other) go camping. Four of them end up in police interrogation. Each chapter begins with one question from a detective. The rest of the chapter is each teens' answers. Suspense!  Creepy! Also a unique way to write a novel. 

Murder...or is it? Friendship...or is it?

I kept reading this book long after midnight because I was asking myself, "What next? WHAT NEXT!" Full of surprises. A couple of the characters I kind of wished would be eaten by bears. They weren't. Maybe one of them was eaten by something big and hairy. Maybe not. A real "who done it." Or what done it.

Mystery. Action. Romance...or maybe not. Definitely death. But who, how, and why?

Thanks to Netgalley and Sourcebooks for allowing me to read, review, and be frightened by Tell Me What Really Happened.

Books are not the enemy.

 “It wasn’t until I started reading and found books they wouldn’t let us read in school that I discovered you could be insane and happy and have a good life without being like everybody else.”

– John Waters

Mr. Wilde Should Know

 

The Goblin Forst, It Is. Don't Get Lost or You End Up Green and Hairy

 A jerk for a father keeps frightening his daughter but it all works out because a whole herd of Yodas show up. Wait a minute, it was a whole herd of gremlins who talk like Yoda, they did.

So, things are looking bad what with a battle going on between goblins, humans, and Yoda-wannabes but then the cavalry with John Wayne arrives, oh wait, I've got movies on my mind.

Here's what really happened. The gremlins sounded so much like Yoda that I pictured every one of them green with big ears and some kind of little monks' robes, wear they did. And then, just like in old Western films, a big group of warriors shows up. Instead of a bugle call, they honk a horn on a police car.

The Goblin Forest is a good story but it's not as well written as it could be. There's a crucial difference between a good story and a well-written story. A good story can become a great story with some extra revisions and some more editing. Because the plot is engaging, I think it could be an excellent novel if an agent or a few more beta readers took a look at it.

The characters don't have to grin on every page. Attributes don't have to look like a thesaurus was on hand. It's okay to use the word said as an attribute.  It's a great plot but could use some more polishing.

Thank you to Netgalley and the author, Mark Stary, for allowing me to read and review an eARC of The Goblin Forest

                                                  Green with envy? No, green with goblins.

Playing the Flute With Your Butt sounds like Heaven to Me. A Review of 100 Things to See After You Die

 100 Places to See After You Die is a conundrum for me. One-quarter percentage of me thinks, "Holy moley, this is kind of disrespectful toward death." The other 3/4 of me laughed so hard I was snort laughing. When I read about Hieronymus Bosch's painting, The Last Judgement, I chortled so hard I started coughing and then fell over. I was lucky I didn't join the "choir invisible myself." I mean, how can a person not guffaw at a naked guy playing the flute with his anus, using sheet music printed on the buttocks of a man who has been squashed by a giant lute? Well, okay, maybe it wouldn't be funny if it was me playing the flute with my farts but it's a hoot in the painting. Or a toot, depending on how you want to look at it.

The author, Ken Jennings, covers every kind of afterlife from Medieval literature to modern TV shows. One thing that stands out is that the public is way more interested in Hell than in Heaven. He points out that good stories have conflict. Heaven has very little conflict and Hell is nothing but conflict, unless you like playing the flute with your butt.

Only one chapter isn't all that fun and that is the final one, the one about Dungeons and Dragons' afterlife. As the final chapter it should be a grande finale, not a sputter out. 

Jennnings' book proves that learning can be fun! I picked up a lot about art, literature, films, and bad TV shows. My Mother the Car, anyone?

Thanks to Netgalley and Scribner for allowing me to read and review 100 Places to See After You Die. I have to go now. My flute lessons are waiting.

Fun Cover, Too. The guy with the flute is in that crowd. Hey, there could be a series of books for kids. Where's the Guy with the Butt Flute?

If a guy with six wives asks you to marry him, you might want to rethink that subscription to Modern Brides magazine. The Seventh Wife

 Wow, I really felt sorry for the dried-out shell of the golem wife. If you want to be creeped out, wow again, Lord Craven is the worst husband with multiple wives imaginable. The golem wife--she haunts my dreams.

The six wives are in Craven's mansion, and they never figure out how to leave. Then fifteen-year-old Rhea shows up and in the course of seven days, well, I can't tell you because that would be a spoiler. It all works out because, as you know, fifteen-year-olds are the smartest people in the world. I know I was when I was fifteen. I would have shown that Craven a thing or two. And probably ended up as a golem wife.

Hey, listen, if you're fifteen and a lord with six wives wants to marry you, don't do it. DON'T DO IT! Would you want to end up living in a clock? Or as a golem? DON'T DO IT!

      T. Kingfisher is one of my favorite authors. Maybe my favorite. Second favorite author after myself.