Friday, December 27, 2019

Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs--More 'Where Do We Get Ideas?'

Here it is, the Third Day of Christmas and nothing says holiday spirit like wondering if your cat will eat your eyeballs.

Caitlin Doughty tackles some weird and icky stuff, but she always does it in a charming and humorous way. My writing tip for the day is: There are ideas everywhere. Just twist your mind around some of the strangeness out there in the world.

What might you find interesting in this book that you could turn into a mystery, horror story, or romance? Okay, maybe not romance unless you want the love interest to be frozen and pulverized. 

Yes! That is NASA's plan for astronauts who die in space. Freeze them outside and then have a robotic arm smash them into space dust.

There are all kinds of things in Doughty's book that can creep its way into stories of the bizarre. Do you know what airlines do to passengers who die in the air? They get to sit next to you, still seat-belted in, until the plane lands. If the cadaver has an aisle seat, you might have a real problem getting to the bathroom.

You can rest assured that your pet probably won't eat your eyeballs, not when there are softer parts available.

The best writers are the best readers. Read a lot because books are loaded with ideas that you can bend to your own ends.

Things That Irritate Me in Writing--Magic for Liars

I said I'd offer writing tips. Here's my pet peeve when it comes to other people's writing. Lately, every other book I've read has characters biting their lips to show fear, anxiety, anger, happiness, arousal, and every other emotion you can think of. At some point, in every book, a character will bite their lip until it bleeds. In every damn book, the same thing happens!

This is nothing but lazy writing. A writer sees it in half of the books, so the lazy writer thinks, "Hey, I'll show every emotion the same way. Plus, the obligatory biting the lip until it bleeds."

Besides being a lazy way to show emotion, it's also unrealistic. Very few people want to hurt themselves. Few people show the thought process by biting themselves until they bleed. How often do you see people in real life biting their lips? Let me say it again--it's a lazy way to write.

That is why I disliked Magic for Liars. It's one of the reasons I disliked it. Every character in the book, female, male, adult, teenager, managed to bite their own lips instead of showing emotion. Every one of them!
It's used so often, in this book and others, that it's become dull. Why bother to write a book if you don't plan on using your imagination?

My other dislike of this book (among others) was that 99% of the characters have magical abilities, some have a lot of power, and they use it to make their eyes prettier, their hair shiny, and to harass other high school kids. All the problems in the world and these students and teachers use their magic to stack papers and make their hair glossy. Geez, people.

Oh, and the protagonist stays drunk or hungover for the entire book. I know people can have a problem with alcohol and still manage to work. There are novels where the protagonists overcome their problems. But, Liars' detective whines about being drunk and miserable and stays drunk and miserable. Just like biting lips, her constant misery got dull.

My writing tip is this. If you are going to write, don't copy what you see in other novels. Just because everybody bites their lips, smirks, and rolls their eyes in 50% of the books doesn't mean your characters have to do the same thing. For the love of all things worth reading, be original.

Saturday, December 21, 2019

Batty about Books

Books and bats--a horrifically good combination. Artwork by Emily Bievins.

Wednesday, December 18, 2019

Have yourself a terrifying Christmas

Actually, these are Christmas customs from many countries guaranteed to traumatize parents and children alike. If you don't find some horror to write about in this article, then there is no hope of finding horror. One of these Christmas baddies guts bad children and stuffs them with straw. And we thought giving kids coal was harsh.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/dec/18/the-seven-most-terrifying-christmas-traditions-around-the-world

Tuesday, December 17, 2019

Crystal Lake Author Spotlight Interview With Me!

Okay, so I'm a complete klutz when it comes to computers. I like to blame my problems on gremlins, but that can get a person only so far. I've pushed ctrl+c all morning and I still can't get my interview to show up. Gremlins again!

Anyway, Joe Mynhardt, the many-times winner of the Bram Stoker award for horror and the founder of Crystal Lake Publishing, interviewed me for their December 2019 Crystal Lake newsletter. Find out all the low-down on me by subscribing to their free newsletter at:

crystallakepub.com

Meanwhile, I'll fight the gremlins to see if I can get my interview from one place to another.

Sunday, December 15, 2019

Did you think to look here for an agent? Hmm?

Several writers I know are querying agents right now, going to agency websites to see who might be a good fit. A good place to find the kinds of books agents have taken on and sold is on the Publishers Weekly various newsletters.

For instance, if you're looking for an agent for YA or children's books, Publishers Weekly Children's Bookshelf newsletter always has a list of deals made that week. It will have a description of the book, the age group, the publisher who bought it, the author and the agent and agency that sold it.
So, you'll see that Susie Kittynose sold a book to Kittypaw Press and was represented by KitKat Jones of the BigHunkofKittyLove Agency.

There you have what you need to know. The agent and agency and what kind of book they just sold. Publishers Weekly shows the week's deals in all their newsletters, not just children's bookshelf.

The newsletters are all free. For inspiration, look here:
publishersweekly.com


        KitKat Jones of the BigHunkofKittyLove Literary Agency

Saturday, December 14, 2019

Frighten Your Family. Write a Memoir.

Interested in writing a memoir? Here's a fine and sensitive article on memoir writing from The Guardian. If you're short on time, scroll down to the ten tips for a good memoir. If you have the time (and if you're writing a book, you have to have time, right?) read the whole thing. Memoirs are hot now, and this is a thoughtful look at how to write one.

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2019/dec/14/the-naked-truth-how-to-write-a-memoir

Something Anne Lamott said, "If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better."

Vibrating Mattress Brings Back Memories

This morning a huge helicopter hovered over my house, vibrating everything including the mattress I was on. It felt just like the 25 cents "Magic Fingers" vibrating mattresses cheap hotels used to have. Ten minutes of teeth-shattering vibrations for a quarter. This mornings vibrating mattress brought back a lot of memories. Hey, cheap motels weren't my first choice!

Friday, December 13, 2019

Where Do Story Ideas Come From?

The key, I think, to avoiding writer's block is to stay interested in everything, not just a small segment of what you think you may like. I bought a book thinking it was going to be entirely different than it is. But, what a delightful surprise. It's not horror but it's given me an armload of ideas for horror.

The book is a nonfiction work called Mudlark: In Search of London's Past Along the River Thames by Lara Maiklem. I bought it thinking it was a history of the Thames. It is, instead, her history of mudlarking on the Thames. Mudlarks, in the past, were poor people, mainly women and children, who walked and dug and felt with their feet for anything at low tide along the Thames that they might sell. Back in that day, mainly the Victorian era, the water was wretched with sewage, so you can imagine...

Today, mudlarks are people like Maiklem, those who love history and old things and spend their time following the tide to find things dating all the way back to the bronze age.

Although it is Maiklem's story, she weaves history throughout. Therein lies the ideas for horror. There were so many things done for two thousand years along the Thames--from the hanging of pirates to the beheadings of Henry the VIII's wives.  Here's what really caught my interest: Toshers. If I don't do something with them, I'll kick myself.

Toshers went beyond feeling around in the Thames. They broke into the sewer grates along the river and fished around inside the sewers for lost coins. Yuck. They wore a uniform that let everybody know they were toshers. A long velveteen coat, canvas pants and aprons, and they wore a lantern strapped to their shoulders. There were miles of sewers and sometimes toshers got lost and died under London. They also died of infections caused by rat bites. Supernaturally, they believed there was a Queen Rat who appeared as a beautiful woman. If they didn't have sex with her, she brought death and bad luck to them.

I would think grubbing through sewage would bring death and bad luck, but I guess toshers had to have something to tell their wives when they came home with a little rouge on their velveteen coats.

Folks, there is a horror story in there somewhere. Read and watch a variety of things. There are ideas everywhere. I've been thinking of what horrible thing I could do to a tosher, as if their lives weren't already bad enough.

For more on toshers, the worst job in the world, here is a Smithsonian article.
https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/quite-likely-the-worst-job-ever-319843/

And here is the book, Mudlark.

Horror for Christmas 99 cents!

It's Friday the 13th and who doesn't need a little horror in their life? And I do mean a little horror as this is an anthology of flash fiction, all under 1000 words. You could read this on a bus ride or in the bathtub before the water gets cold. Christmas is coming and this would be a cheap inexpensive gift. Best of all, I'm in it, and second best of all is that it's a lovely lavender shade. Oh, third best of all, there are a lot of other great stories.  You need this!

Monday, December 9, 2019

I'm In This! Only 99 Cents! Buy It!



On Amazon Dec. 13th. Only 99 cents introductory offer. A whole lot o' horror for these cold winter nights. Got a friend or relative who loves horror? 99 cents is an inexpensive Christmas gift. It's the thought that counts. (I don't know what it is you're thinking if you give horror for Christmas, but hey, give 'em what they like.)


"Skin Deep" now on Flame Tree newsletter

 What happens to those pieces after they're cut off?

Read my new horror flash fiction on Flame Tree Press's Fiction Without Frontiers newsletter for      science fiction, horror, thriller, and mystery fans and writers.

In a hungry world, what do they do with those pieces that are removed during plastic surgery? Enjoy your lunch.

Skin Deep in the December 2019 issue of Flame   Tree Press newsletter
Sign up for Flame Tree's Fiction Without Borders to read my chilling story.

https://www.flametreepress.com/reader-exclusives/


Sunday, December 8, 2019

Cover Reveal Shallow Waters Vol. 4


I'M IN THIS!
So excited to be in this edition of Shallow Waters from Crystal Lake Publishing. I'm sharing the anthology with some authors who are well-known in the horror world. I'm not only excited, I'm proud!
Shallow Waters Vol. 4 will be on Amazon on Dec. 13. Friday the 13th!
And, the cover is in my favorite lavender color, sort of.

Saturday, December 7, 2019

My Flash Fiction Appearing at Flame Tree

Yesterday I got news from the good people at Flame Tree Press, Fiction Without Borders, that my flash fiction story, Skin Deep, won the monthly horror contest and will appear in their newsletter and on their website. Stayed tuned and I'll let you know when it's online.

Flame Tree is a good opportunity for science fiction and horror writers. Their imprint, Fiction Without Frontiers, will read un-agented submissions. They also have contests that pay professional rates if you win. Give them a try if you have some writing that needs a home.

https://www.flametreepress.com/

Flame Tree Press Horror and Science Fiction Writers' Friend!

Looking for a publisher that reads science fiction and horror novels when you don't have an agent? Flame Tree press Fiction Without Frontiers will still read your manuscript! How's that for a throwback we could always use?  And, they have  monthly flash fiction contests for horror and science fiction. It's your chance to be discovered. All you have to do is subscribe to their free Fiction Without Frontiers newsletter. Every month they'll announce their subjects and the deadline. Then you write your best flash fiction and submit. They are friendly, helpful folks, too. Find them here:

https://www.flametreepress.com/

Friday, December 6, 2019

The Twisted Ones--Best characters ever!

Best Dog Ever!

The Twisted Ones has the best characters for a horror book, or any book for that matter. I appreciate novels with strong women characters and this is chock full of them.  The protagonist is hilarious, her sidekick is a kick-ass, pistol packing old lady, the dead grandmother is the granny from hell, there's a great Goth barista, and a weird half-human who wants out! The best of all is the good, but dumb, coonhound, Bongo.
One of my favorite things is the cool, older lady, Roxy. Lots of time older women are left out of novels altogether or they are evil. Roxy is funny, smart, and a wild dresser.
If you love horror that is also humorous, check out the Twisted Ones.





Shallow Waters Vol. 4 drops Friday the 13th.

 Shallow Waters Vol 4 will come out on December 13, 2019, Yes, that's Friday the 13th. My story, Thelma Takes the Devil, will be included. Find it on Amazon.  From those masters of horror, Crystal Lake Press.


Shallow Waters Vol. 1

Since a story I wrote, Thelma Takes the Devil, will be published in Shallow Water Vol. 4, I thought I should catch up with reading the first three volumes of flash fiction. Here we find Vol. 1.  

The stories are interesting, occasionally chill inducing, but every once in awhile I thought, why don't they just call the police? Horror, to me, ought to be something you can't do anything about. If just a guy is killing people, and everybody knows it, and the house is full of people in various conditions of rot (and why can't the whole town smell a house full of corpses? There's not that many scented candles in the world to hide a house full of dead people.) why not call the cops on this guy? Heavens!

Other than that, an amusing, if horrific, selection of flash fiction. Quick to read to get your horror on.

From Crystal Lake publishing. Coming December 13, Volume 4 with my story in it!